“Where can I take my shame, when those around me ignore my pain?
Where can I stake my shame, when deep inside me, I feel that I am to blame?”
Sixty percent. That’s more than half.
It is estimated that 60 percent of black girls will be sexually abused by the age of 18, according to an ongoing study conducted by Black Women’s Blueprint. This means that more black girls will be sexually abused than not. This means that sexual victimization is part of the Black girl’s experience. This is an epidemic!
The long-term effect of sexual abuse are shame, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, early onset of sexual activities, teen pregnancy, higher incidents of depression, low self-esteem, and expressions of violence. This experience leads to self-destructive behavior, unhealthy relationships, and an increased proclivity towards suicide. Our black girls are in crisis. The impact of black girls growing into black women who select their intimate partners, raise their children and live their lives through the constant veil of unhealed sexual trauma, low self-worth, and shame is evident not only in the mental, physical, and spiritual health of black women, but also weighs deeply upon our families and community.
The foundation of present and historical sexual trauma comes from hundreds of years of sexual victimization from slavery. Not only was the rape of black girls and women legal, it was encouraged. Not only was it encouraged, the result of rape — a child — was a financial incentive to keep raping.
According to a special report from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, for every black woman that reports her rape/abuse, at least 15 do not report theirs. I believe this is a result of internalized historical trauma — the saga of the strong Black woman — causing her to swallow her pain rather than heal it. But other factors include the mistrust of the system and lack of black women in the support fields for sexual assault to create a safe pathway to healing. For years in Wisconsin, we have gone without have one single black sexual assault advocate in the entire state working for our state and federally funded sexual assault agencies.
In the wake of this dismal reality, there remains hope for healing.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I know that healing is possible, though at one time I did not believe it to be true. The excerpt above is from my book, “I Can’t Live Like This Anymore!” Shame is a vicious emotion that destroys one from the inside out. It took me years to free myself from the grips of shame. The regenerating power of my own healing journey has lead me to dedicate my life to helping others to heal.
In 2015, I founded Black Woman Heal Day in the hopes of addressing the monumental issues impacting black girls and women with the unshakable belief that it will be black women who will be the source of our own healing and the healing of our girls. Black Woman Heal Day — observed on April 1st each year — creates the sacred space for black women and girls to heal. On this day, black women — from coast to coast and throughout the African Diaspora — will be gathering. We focus on reclaiming our spirits, minds and bodies. As we gather together to share our stores, listen to our stories, honor our stories, we are empowered to come out from under the heavy veil of secrets and shame, together.
Black Woman Heal Day is this Friday, April 1. This year we have Ashley Molina of America’s Next Top Model, Season 22 as our SpokesSista. She is helping to share the importance of telling our story, as she stated, “There’s no greater agony than keeping an untold story inside of you.”
You can still join the healing. Here are three easy ways:
1) Download our Healing Conversations guide. Gather for coffee, happy hour or even in your living room with friends or family. Or, you may use the guide for your personal healing journey. Let us know how your healing has been inspired with a post using the hashtag: #blackwomanheal
2) Post a selfie on any social media outlet using the hashtag #blackwomanheal. You can just post a picture or share a bit of your own story.
3)Join us in our online healing event
Be on the look out for us on social media all day long on Facebook and on twitter and Instagram at: @blackwomanheal. Help us share the healing. For more information please contact me at [email protected].
