As many of you know, I coach a 14U girls basketball team. Recently, during one of our tournament games, a man was on the sidelines video recording players. We were winning, the team was playing well, and energy was high. Then one of my players who was on the bench walked over to me and said, “Coach, can you put me back in? I want to get some more clips.”
I had to laugh to myself, but it also made me think. In that moment, her focus wasn’t on the team, defense, or the scoreboard. It was on the camera. She wasn’t thinking about contributing to the win. She wanted to be seen.
That moment reminded me how easy it is, even for good-hearted people, to mistake being seen for being impactful. Somewhere along the way, we start believing that a view, a clip, or a like equals value. That we matter to someone only when they notice us. But attention is not the same as appreciation, and visibility is not the same as value.
We live in a culture of highlights and hashtags, where everyone is curating, posting, and promoting. The pressure to be visible is real. The world tells us that if people aren’t watching, it doesn’t count. But leadership was never meant to be a performance.
Real leadership isn’t about chasing attention, but it isn’t about hiding from it either. Sometimes being seen allows you to serve at a higher level and open doors for others. But the goal is never fame. Influence may grow when you live out your calling, but the real reward is purpose. Leadership is about helping others grow into their best selves; not about building a platform, but building people.
Our culture rewards visibility, but leadership is about something deeper. It is about service. It is about who you lift up, not who you take a selfie with. Real influence is not measured by followers or photos. It is measured by the lives you help rise.
The heart of selfless leadership is humility. It is leading from a place of purpose, not pride. It is about showing up for your team even when no one is filming. It is about listening before speaking. It is about shifting the spotlight to someone else and celebrating their win like it is your own.
That is the kind of leadership that lasts – the kind that shapes culture, not just content. Being a leader in today’s world means swimming against the current. It means caring more about impact than image. It means choosing consistency over clout. The most powerful leaders are not always the ones you see. They are the ones who make sure others are seen.
So, what does selfless leadership look like?
It looks like being the last to speak so others feel heard.
It looks like doing the hard work no one else wants to do.
It looks like mentoring someone behind the scenes without needing credit.
It looks like using your influence to open doors for others.
Selfless leadership is not glamorous, but it is sacred. It requires you to give more than you take. To serve even when you are tired. To put the mission above the mirror.
If you want to lead differently this week, try this:
- Publicly celebrate someone else. Send a message, write a post, or say something kind about a teammate, employee, or peer without expecting anything in return.
- Remind someone that you see them, not because it benefits you, but because it honors them.
In a world chasing attention, choose contribution. Because in the end, leadership is not about who gets the credit. It is about who gets changed because you showed up. And in a selfie world, the leaders who last are the ones who make sure others are seen.
