When Ruby Clay started Black Girls United – a group of middle-school-aged African-American girls in the community who come together each week for sisterhood, support, and some community activism – she did it with the idea that she wanted to give young women a voice and let them have a chance to be heard.
“In the group, we deal with a lot of conflict resolution and just helping the girls getting through some of the things they are going through in life,” Clay tells Madison365. “It’s 10 girls right now and we get together every Saturday in the clubhouse in my building.”
Black Girls United just starting to come together in October in the common space at the Arbor Crossing Apartments on Madison’s near west side just off University Avenue, but it’s has been part of a vision that Clay has had for a while wanting to start a grassroots support group for middle school girls.
“My vision was to start a group for girls that I could follow through middle school and high school and be in their lives and coach and mentor them,” Clay says. “At some point, I got tired of having this same vision and felt it was time for action.”
She started thinking about some of the issues that her own young daughters – ages 11 and 13 – were having and she realized that everything was right in front of her. She just needed to pull it together.
“I got the parents on board. These conflicts were happening so let’s see what we can do about it,” Clay says. “In the past, I had done some Teen Summits [at Now Faith Ministries International] and the title was ‘Let’s Be Honest.’ It was an opportunity for girls to come in and talk about issues they face every day that they might not be able to talk about with their parents.
“This group emulates that project,” she adds. “It’s all about giving girls a place to deal with the conflicts they are going through and also giving back to the community. I wanted them to be a part of the community because that is something that they don’t get a chance to do and may not even know they have a chance to do.”
Clay works closely with Nicole Von Haden, vice principal at nearby Hamilton Middle School where the girls go to school. “She always tells me, ‘Whatever you need from us, let me know’ and I really like that. We come together to help deal with some of the things that ALL of the girls are going through,” Clay says.
Black Girls United is not just an opportunity for young women to come together to discuss conflicts and issues in their lives, but to also make an impact on the community that they live in. In fact, over Thanksgiving break, Black Girls United decided that they would take on hunger and homelessness.
“To go ahead and tackle an issue like homelessness, that was the girls’ idea,” Clay says. “We thought about what were some of the ways that we could give back to our community and the girls said, ‘Let’s feed the homeless,'” Clay says. “With the projects that we do, I want it to be their ideas. If it’s their ideas, they will want to do it. I want them to be self-motivated.
“It’s easy to talk about what you want to do and how you want to do it, but it can be harder actually doing it,” Clay adds. “The girls were like, ‘Ms. Ruby, do we just walk up on these people?’ and I’m like ‘Absolutely. You walk up and offer it to them.’ Some people may say no, and that’s OK.”
The girls came together on a Saturday and they put together over 100 bags of various types of food for the homeless here in Madison. “We stopped at DAIS and dropped off three bags. We stopped at the Salvation Army on East Washington [Ave.]. We pretty much gave away the rest of the bags on foot downtown,” Clay says. “It was an awesome experience for the girls.”
The girls really felt good about it afterward, Clay says, and they were proud of what they had done. “That’s what really builds self-confidence and that’s one of our goals,” she says. “The girls were so excited and they told me that it felt so good the reactions they were getting. It made me happy to be a part of it, too.”
Clay really enjoys the energy of being around youth when she leads the group every Saturday. Sometimes, however, the energy can be overwhelming.
“We do meditation because sometimes they come in and it’s really hard to get them focused,” Clay smiles. “It’s funny because it actually took us two or three meetings to come up with a name for our group and then I said, ‘Let’s close our eyes …. let’s be focused,’ In the end, I want us to be close because that will make our team strong. I want us to eat together, go out together, and push our ideas off each other. Trust is so very important for us.”
The next project for the Black Girls United will be volunteering at the River Food Pantry on Madison’s north side. “We will also have a guest speaker coming in on Dec. 30th to talk about some issues because I always think it’s helpful for the girls to hear from more than one person,” Clay says. “My mom used to always tell me something to do, but I wouldn’t listen … but when somebody else said the same thing, I would do it!”
Most recently, the girls of Black Girls United talked very deeply about Ashawnty Davis, 10, who recently died after being taken off life support at a children’s hospital, two weeks after she was found hanging in a closet at home. The fifth-grader killed herself after being bullied at school.
“Bullycide is what you call it when you commit suicide because of bullying. For my girls, bullying happens at the school that they go to. So we had a discussion on what it needs to look like when you see this happening. And how we can move past being bullied,” Clay says. “So we all had a deep conversation about it and we decided to make posters about it including statistics. Everybody felt like we needed to send a message out because of Ashawnty’s death. I was really cool with them making the signs.
“My goal for many of the activities we do is to build them and to make them more confident and it takes time because they are in middle school. We have a journey ahead of us and I am looking forward to it,” Clay continues. “I really wish I had a group like this when I was younger to help me because it’s hard being young. It’s hard being in middle school. It’s a difficult age. You need a little help here and there.”
Someday, Clay says she can see Black Girls United possibly becoming a 501c3 non-profit.
“I want to continue to see this group grow. I want to start college funds – sacrificing $50 here and there just to see them set up. That’s my goal. Education is so important. College is big. I tell the girls that all the time,” Clay says. “I’m always asking if anybody needs help with homework or if anybody needs a mentor. Let’s seek resources in the community so we can make this happen.
“But I’m just going with the flow right now. I’m very happy with the group,” she adds. “And the girls are really enjoying it, too. We look forward to our Saturdays together.”
