I never connected mental health with marriage until my divorce. Growing up, I thought mental health and relationships existed separately, partly because the conversation about mental health was taboo in my community. People were labeled, rarely discussed, and those with visible struggles were assumed to be the only ones facing issues. Only later did I realize that mental health influences everyone and often goes undetected, affecting relationships into adulthood. Unresolved childhood trauma often becomes adult relationship problems, including in marriage, unless addressed. In my marriage, my ex-wife and I lacked the knowledge and tools to manage these underlying issues, which ultimately led to our divorce. Commonly cited causes like infidelity or finances are often symptoms of deeper, unaddressed mental health challenges that can harm not just couples but their children as well.
Marriage is a covenant that divorce turns into a contract once you enter this union PRIOR to doing the work on yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask your potential spouse about his or her mental health history. Transparency is the lifeline of a successful marriage, and it’s a “red flag” if there is any hesitation about disclosing and discussing mental health history.
I am happily remarried to a beautiful woman whose morals and values align with mine. Transparency is at the core of our foundation, and we both did the work on our respective selves prior to our union, so that we can now enjoy TOGETHER the benefits of a healthy marriage when the “triggers” of mental health issues are eliminated.
Ty Evans is a Certified Relationship Coach and author of the forthcoming book “My 1st wife helped me pick my 2nd one.”
