Movement restrictions and long periods of isolation as a result of COVID-19 are making domestic violence in homes more frequent. Many young women feel like they do not have anybody to talk to about it. Ruby Clay is holding an event to help with that.
“What’s crazy about the time that we live in now is that you can go to Facebook Live or any social media outlet and see domestic violence – people who are abusing and killing their partners online,” says Ruby Clay. “And it is everywhere.
“A friend of mine from Milwaukee just lost her cousin to domestic violence from a partner,” Clay adds. “I feel obligated to educate and inform our youth on the daily outcomes of intimate partner violence.”
(Photo by A. David Dahmer)
Intimate partner violence (IPV) describes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse and will be the main topic of “Almost Didn’t Make It Youth Summit” for teen girls, grades 6-12, at the Faith Place in Sun Prairie on Friday, Sept. 25. Clay, the founder of Black Girls United, a group that gives Black girls in the Madison area a place to share their voices in a safe place to be heard, is organizing and hosting the event.
“Almost Didn’t Make it Youth Summit” will feature two powerful speakers – Porsha and Cierra – who have experienced domestic violence and have escaped to tell their stories.
“I always tell people that nobody can tell your story better than you can because you have intricate details. Porsha and Cierra’s stories line up with this summit because of what they’ve been through,” Clay says. “It lines up because they escaped with their life. It lines up because they are able to inform and educate the deadly outcomes of what intimate partner violence looks like and what toxic relationships look like.
“The girls always hear from me, so I was like, ‘I’m going to bring in a couple of great speakers who have been through this, who survived it, and who can inform our girls about this.’ Our girls need to know,” Clay continues. “They need to know what’s toxic and how things can start out really good and turn very bad …talk about those cycles of abuse and how it starts and how it ends. That’s the only way that they’ll know that this is a toxic trait and this is a red flag.”
Clay meets regularly with the middle school girls who make up her Black Girls United group, which promotes youth-to-youth communication, multicultural bridge building in enhancing leadership development among young people.
“It’s sad because most of our youth doesn’t really know what a healthy relationship looks like. So there’s this narrative that if he doesn’t cause physical or emotional abuse, he doesn’t love you,” says Clay. “We need to change that narrative because those are very toxic and unhealthy traits.
“When I talk to young women, often their mother and their grandmothers have been through the same thing,” she adds. “It’s a vicious cycle of abuse and it’s hard to come out for these young women because the people who came before them didn’t have the tools to remove themselves from a toxic situation.”
Where did the name – Almost Didn’t Make It – come from for the Youth Summit?
“I knew that I had two very strong speakers who almost lost their lives with these individuals and who almost didn’t make it out,” Clay says. “That’s where that came from.
“I’m super excited about this event. This can be scary. I do feel like that in these times there’s so much going on and because I’m a mom and a leader and working around youth and I hear what they are going through, I hear their concerns and cries and all of that led me to do this summit,” she adds.
Clay says that this youth summit is special to her because she is a survivor of domestic violence herself and because she has worked as a child and family support advocate at Domestic Abuse Intervention Services (DAIS) for six years.
“I see this day-in and day-out. I know that our numbers and our calls for domestic violence are increasing over the pandemic because I answer those calls at home,” she says. “I feel like I want to do something. I don’t want to sit back and to continue to let this happen without educating and informing our youth.
“When I think about the work I do on a daily basis, it’s so generational and it’s so deeply rooted that even this summit will not be able to plug up the damage that is done, but my goal is to at least be able to save someone’s life,” she continues. “I’m hoping that somebody comes to this summit and can begin their healing journey or be informed on what our healthy relationships look like.
“Hearing the story straight from Porsha and Cierra is so important – it’s straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak,” Clay adds. “It’s something that the youth really need rather than from a mom or Ms. Ruby. Porsha and Cierra lived this experience and their stories will impact these girls, hopefully, in a great way.”
The Almost Didn’t Make It Youth Summit was just one of the ideas that Clay had in mind when she was raising money via a Black Girls United gofundme earlier this year.
“We raised over $5,000. So I feel like we are set. I’ll be able to provide food and drinks and masks for those who need it. We’re going to have some poetry around domestic violence and relationships,” Clay says. “I have a person in mind to send the girls off with final encouraging words and hopefully inspire them at the end of the event.
That person is Delia Watkins (pictured above), who will close out the summit with a motivational speech.
“This even is open to all girls in the area. We will practice social distancing and will be wearing masks and people will be sitting with their families,” Clay says.
Clay says she wants to make a long-term difference about how young people talk about domestic violence.
“I don’t want to do this event and that will be it. I do want to develop an ongoing support group,” Clay says. “I do want to continue to do things and I want to continue to be a support for the youth in our community who need it.
“I want the parents to come, too. My hope is that they stick around. I want them to inbox me and ask me questions so I can be very transparent about what this is all about,” she adds. “This is an important event. We need to inform these youth and get them out of these toxic relationships, if that’s what they are in and get them in healthy relationships. We can’t leave these young people in the dark.”
Almost Didn’t Make It Youth Summit will be held Friday, Sept. 25, 6-9 p.m. at The Faith Place Church, 211 E Linnerud Dr. in Sun Prairie. For more information about the summit, call Ruby at (608) 216-1761.
